An Open Letter to the disgusting classless homeless? ladies women men? Cave-People who use the Ladies Bathroom on the First Floor:
If you are in a hurry: It is no excuse to leave the water running and paper towels laying around the sink, floor and trash-bin. It is people like you and waste like that that have plunged this world into the environmental crisis it is currently experiencing. Also? There is no hurry–no hurry whatsoever–that could excuse leaving a wadded up roll of USED toilet paper sitting on the seat. I do not respect you. I could care less about your rushed schedule. And I think you are a lazy, disgusting pig.
If you are a germophobe: Figure out a way to turn off the faucet. Yes, I know you just washed your hands and there are germs on the handle. Ask me how much I care. I don’t. TURN OFF THE WATER. Again: Environmental crisis. Your fault. Etc.
If you feel the need to squat (even though there are handy-dandy seat covers): For the love of all things good and holy, make sure you’re aiming! Simply posing in the appropriate squatting position while located anywhere in the stall does not ensure that a.) you’re avoiding germs or b.) YOU’RE EXCRETIONS ARE ENDING UP WHERE THEY BELONG. It is unspeakably disgusting to walk into a stall in the women’s bathroom to find a PUDDLE of urine on the floor. It makes me want to vomit. But I can’t. Because I can’t get to the toilet without coming into contact WITH YOUR URINE. If it was an accident and you just… couldn’t… make it? Maybe? Fine. But go tell the security guard so those in maintenance can address the issue right away. Otherwise? You’re gross and you need to just sit all the way down using the flipping seat cover.
If you’ve had a bowel movement (any movement, really… but especially bowel): FLUSH! Flush, flush, flush. Can you do that? Please? Just flush the toilet. Have you ever heard that big, watery whooshing noise that happens before the other people walk out of their stalls? That’s called flushing. It’s a convenient mechanism that washes all of your waste (AND ODORS) blissfully out of sight and out of mind. For yourself AND FOR OTHERS.
If you are experiencing an unfortunately heavy cycle: Pay attention to what lands where. Look, I’m a woman who, in an attempt to avoid too much detail, will just say that I understand what can happen. It’s awkward and uncomfortable and messy and I get it, okay? But the apparent difference between you and me? I realize that the woman who uses the stall after me DOESN’T WANT TO KNOW WHAT I’M GOING THROUGH. Clean UP after yourself. Give the stall and the toilet a quick once over once you’ve completed your business and attend to any… situations. Because good Lord, it’s the only right thing to do!
If you are on the phone: No phone call could be so important that you couldn’t say something along the lines of, “Hey, I’m going to have to call you back in five minutes. We will continue our conversation then…” Now, I fully admit to the fact that there are three people I’m comfortable talking on the phone to while I’m using the restroom (to pee! Because anything more… just, no.), but I will only do that when I am alone in the bathroom. Not when there are five other strangers attempting to use the bathroom at the same time. Oh? and the woman who was on an INTERVIEW while going to the bathroom? I hope you didn’t get the job. Could you possibly value that opportunity any less? I don’t think so.
If you are feeling talkative: Save it. Save it! Lady, I am in the bathroom. I have no longing to carry on a conversation when a.) I am not wearing any pants! Or covered in any way from the waist down! and b.) I don’t know you! oh, and c.)? When you’re trying to sell me something! Holy cow, leave me alone. The only thing saving you from a steely glare upon my immerging from the stall? I don’t wish to taint your day like you’ve just tainted mine.
I don’t think an accident is even a legit excuse. First of all, I’m assuming these are grown people. If that is correct, then if can make it all the way into the stall without losing control you should be able to make it that extra 3 feet from the door to the seat, just saying. Secondly, unless you’re sick, they should have learned to adequately anticipate the needs of their body. Failing to plan is planning to fail.
Hahahahaha, All I can say is A-FREAKING-MEN!